As the flower petals fell from the spring trees like the snow
had a only months ago, a lonely little girl sat in a woman's body in her bed
reflecting upon the past ten years of relationships she had collected upon
which to base her thoughts.
A pride came over her ego when she decided six months ago to
put her dating life on halt in order to rediscover herself without a
counterpart. Relief came when she realized she was content on her own, not
having to confront anyone else's monstrosities built of insecurities. Happiness
followed when she was able to rekindle lost relationships with old friends that
had been discarded by reason of her energy being poured into the old days. But
then the boredom set in. And if she should fear any one thing, it should have been
boredom. For when things become monotonous, tedious, or tired...the gears in
her brain shifted to things that could have been - a frightening and dangerous
subject to land upon. There was no stopping those wheels from going down that
road. It happened only ever so quickly.
It jaded her to think of her childhood and how that caused
her to grow into a woman with insecurities specific to the what-if's. Although she
forced positive thought upon every past relationship, today was the day she let
all that was ever negative about those relationships come flooding into her
mind and her heart like a dam had broken loose.
Those that she was truly attracted to were intimidated by
her and steered in the direction of women with deficient compassion, reduced
aptitude, and counterfeit confidence. Those men that jumped at the chance to call
her their own feared she would leave them for someone other than themselves,
and thus treated her as if she had already done so...with volatility, resentment,
hostility, and demise. There were the ones that were missing something in their life, and they took from her in
order to fill their void. The halves that have you in half.
Somehow after every thought, she landed on her feet thankful for the experiences that had taught her what love wasn't. She was forever grateful for her own company.
And so she was there...stuck in love's limbo.
